One of the Guys

On Sunday the best friend and I ventured to the gym. While he’s more into the weightlifting and the “meathead” stuff I give him a lot of hell for, I’m more into running and cardio. The cool thing about us though, when I’m finished running and he’s finished lifting we meet in the middle and he helps me work out my abs (weakest part of my body). Afterwards we launched ourselves into “Trader Joes Mode” since we both have quite the addiction to organic food. Lots of well-spent money later, we were watching football games; cheering, of course, for opposing teams over a beer or two: a favorite pastime for us both.

Being the farthest thing from a “girly-girl,” the majority of my friends are male. While I have a select few close girl friends, all of which a far cry from dainty themselves, I’ve found in my lifetime there is a very good reason why guys stay friends for so long. Ever notice guys never have scheduling issues when making plans? They make friendship seem so effortless, just pick up the phone and pitch the idea of grabbing a beer or getting in a work-out session at the gym. Why do guys have such long lasting friendships, as opposed to their counter gender?

Simple, guys form friendships minus the drama-minus the bullshit. I’ve found guys have straight-forward conversations with one another. They say what’s on their mind with no concern for the reaction or the result. Guys, like life, are messy; but while they may not always be totally honest with their female counterpart, with each other they simply are …themselves. When was the last time you saw a guy pull some vindictive crap with one of their guy friends? Exactly, doesn’t happen. Guys aren’t down with the vicious name-calling or the taking of sides. So naturally over the years I’ve found it much easier to be friends with a group of guys, and my best friend is no exception.

You see, in my old age, I’m becoming “one of the guys” more and more, but I kind of dig it. He’s my best friend and we like the same foods, movies, music, activities, etc. etc. Like all friends we have several differences, for instance his love for non-fiction baffles the fiction guru inside me; but while we have a hard time sharing books, we are both avid readers. And at some point in the midst of our lazy Sunday hang out session, I had an epiphany.

While we are constantly in search of the key to strong and lasting relationships, it is the guys of the world who are on to something. In the midst of their more vulgar and less than avant-garde conversations, it is the men who have found the key to being part of a healthy and enduring couple. What is this “key” men have discovered?

Togetherness, hang-outs, mutual interests and hobbies…need I say more? What seems like such an outdated and obvious concept turns out to ring true. Consider this, my best guy friend and I have a number of things we like to do together. We like the same grocery stores, we are hopelessly addicted to all the shows on Showtime and HBO, and we are health-conscious. We share a love for all things baseball and we are full on-full out nerds. Bottom line: we do things we enjoy, together; and all of this in mind, it occurred to me the very reason my relationships have failed in the past. I have boyfriends, but have I ever had boy-friends?

Considering my former relationships, each guy was my boyfriend, and of him I expected your standard “boyfriend” responsibilities. Dates fully equipped with movies and dinners, and something miraculous every February 14. From these guys I expected love letters/notes/flowers/candy etc. etc. Meanwhile from my guy friends I expected pressure-less dialogue, sporting events, a quick beer after work, and the list continues…

At the age of twenty-three I have realized that I treat the term “boyfriend,” like a job title. Like most girls, there are qualifications and standards I have set for a boyfriend, but when it comes to my friends I simply choose to hang with the people I like hanging out with, the people with which I have the most fun. Maybe instead of perusing through my own version of a guy’s resume before forgoing a possible relationship with him, I should consider the obvious. Guy’s friendships work because they hang out with who they want to hang out with, guys do not worry themselves about the company they keep. They are comfortable in their own skin when hanging with friends. So what are we doing girls?

Maybe it’s time I erased the concept of “boyfriend,” from my mind and concentrated on the very apparent thing I’ve been missing. Maybe it’s time I stop treating my “relationships” like a career, and just embrace the friend?

A good guy friend of mine once reported back to me after a date he had, with a very compelling girl, a thought she had. This twenty something girl told my good friend that at the end of the day all she really wanted was someone to watch her shows with; and inside this simple and yet profound thought, lies a truth I’ve been missing. This girl really has something here! Maybe it’s not just the guys who have this thing figured out.