..but this has nothing to do with a boy, and everything to do with my friends.
As a result of a rather chaotic lifestyle, I travel all across the Queen City on a daily basis-but whether its work, class, or a night out my life wouldn’t be fun without my amusing friends. As it happens, they are the sweet sprinkles on the cupcake of my life (leave it to me to conjure up the food analogy). My friends are my backbone and my voices of reason; but more importantly, my friends are my entertainment.
So entertaining, in fact, that even when my own life is playing out in a standard black and white pattern- I can always count on my friends to provide the comical narrative.
Meet (Insert friend’s name here) who provided the outlandish and hilarious details for the picture I’m about to paint. My friend, who for the sake of this blog we’ll refer to as “Hopeful Mentality,” possessed exactly that. She is one of the more optimistic ladies I’ve met in quite a while. She’s witty, she’s honest, and her raw sense of reality is the breath of fresh air I crave on a daily basis. If insight were a drug-I would be feigning for this girl; and when she came to me with this more recent tale I had one question for her: “mind if I take notes?”
Not only did she agree, but she encouraged me to put this uproar of a story into words. She said “I know you’ll do it justice.” Well, “Hopeful Mentality,” I’m not prepared to let you down.
Why the token name of “Hopeful Mentality?” Simple, this girl possesses the “hopeful mentality” that there is good in every single one of us, everyone just deserves a chance.
Endearing or naïve? I’ll let you decide, but for what it’s worth- this story of hers is the perfect display of the optimistic belief system she’s operating on. Let’s take it from the top…
A few weeks ago, “Hopeful Mentality” was heading home in the early hours of the morning. Our main character had made an evening out of the best whiskey $7 could buy:
Meet Rich & Rare:
Freshly twenty-one, she wasn’t quite ready to call it a night but the bars were closed and friends exhausted, so she did what any one of us would do…ventured to the local gas station in search of a 40. Gets the job done much easier, and much quicker, did I mention “Hopeful Mentality” is not in the least a rookie to this game?
As a frequent customer of this particular gas station, the attendant “Teddy Bear” (I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried) was excited for the companionship in these premature hours of the day. While talking to Teddy, a gentleman noticed my friend and slipped his way into her conversation. Note- remember the theme of “slipping” with this new character, it’ll be a reoccurring one.
Insert Desmond into the story. I could tell you more about him at this point, but for the sake of honesty it wouldn’t be appropriate yet. I say this because at this point “Hopeful Mentality” knew only the name of this guy. Oh, and his telephone number.
A week and half later Desmond is texting and calling, finally convincing “Hopeful Mentality” to accompany him on a date. Now at this point our friend is racking her brain trying to remember what this guy looks like--Rich & Rare just does that to you sometimes. When she opens the door the night of, she finds an older Desmond fully decked with pigtail formed corn-rows, thus for the remainder of our story we’ll refer to him in the same manner of “Hopeful Mentality.” Meet “Corn-row Creeper.” Now, I know you’re wondering: what sort of agenda had this Corn-rowed character planned for this date?
First stop- the ABC store
Now I’ve heard of some dates ending at the ABC store, this is the first I’m hearing of one beginning there, but at this point-I’m intrigued. Let’s continue…
Our Corn-rowed character purchased our “Hopeful Mentality” one bottle of American Honey. Ah, romance. So now where to indulge in this liquid gift? Home, naturally where the roommate is a little stricter than most.
Yes meeting mom on date one is slightly unconventional, but hey- why break the pattern.
At this point, “Hopeful Mentality” is re-thinking her gas station born love, but then this Corn-rowed Creeper breaks out a guitar and requests to serenade her. Seems our leading role is a sucker for a musician, and a song or two later, she’s congratulating herself on a job well done. Underneath all those braids, maybe this guy really is a gentle giant.
Wait for it.
Next this guy informs our friend that he has three other guitars, would she like to see them? And our sweet protagonist is thinking-all he wants to do is show me his guitars.
“That’s not code for anything.”
She follows this guy into his bedroom, where the door is no longer attached to the hinges-but not to worry the door is actually in sight, just floor-slide and lucky for “Hopeful Mentality” this guy is quite the gentleman. Of course he doesn’t mind picking up and placing the actual door in its former doorway spot. Yes, it gets better…
Background music seemed fitting, so our gentleman friend rotated the radio dial to 97.9…Grind time. Boredom ensues, thus so does kissing; but just because “Hopeful Mentality’s” pity vote kept her hanging around our Corn-rowed creeper this didn’t change the fact that she’s a girl with principles. So she let him know right away that she wasn’t “that kind of girl,” and “sex on the first date” is a no-no. See ladies, there are still some of us out there with morals.
This guy seemed to get it, but I guess he thought our friend deserved a little something extra; and the Corn-rowed creeper got a little handsy.
“Hopeful Mentality,” thinks to herself, hey why not. What else did I have going on today?
Faintly the familiar sound of “zzz” rings nearby and “Hopeful Mentality” looks though her peripherals in time to notice the drop of one Corn-rowed character’s zipper.
What is this? The switch-a-roo?
Wait, people really do that?
At this point “Hopeful Mentality” is infuriated. She’s up quick and armed with a few biting remarks. Some examples of her responsive commentary:
“I said NO”
“This is not a hot dog down a hallway!”
“I’m human you jerk, if you cut me I still bleed”
“What the hell happened to board games and dinner and a movie?
“No Yahtzee? No Scrabble?”
“R-E-S-P-E-C-T obviously you don’t know what it means to me”
..just to name a few. Here we have our main character penalized for believing the best in this guy, despite all odds. She had dealt with the ABC store and one mom encounter. She had dealt with lack of door for crying out loud, and all for this Corn-rowed villain to take things a little too far. He of course apologized, and offered to drive her home. However, when he dropped her off in front of her house waved and honked the horn he offered: “next time we hang out you’ll have to stay the night.”
Is this guy for real?
Kind of makes you appreciate the guys in your own life, huh? Or at least makes you slightly terrified of dating. The moral(s) of the story are, but not limited to:
1. If you meet a guy who is not only familiar with, but feels comfortable locating 97.9 Grind Time on the radio dial when you’re alone….run like hell.
2. No door=red flag.
3. Meeting a guy at the gas station will more than likely not result in a good time.
The craziest stuff happens to my friends
“Justin Bieber was right; I just need someone to love.”
-Hopeful Mentality
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