Friday, May 6, 2011

The Clinger

The Meeting: In the aftermath of “The Old Guy,” my friends did what they always do post-breakup: become matchmakers. To be fair, if repairing a love life is your calling in life, consider me your ultimate project. If I had a dime for every time my girl friends said to me, “I know just the guy for you,” well let’s just say my student loans would be non-existent. It is a proven fact that all couples really want one thing: another couple to hang with; and my friends are the ultimate double dating schemers. Thus my life has become the poster child for the infamous blind dating saga. Meet the recent product of this: “The Clinger.”

Memorable Moments: Ironically the most memorable moment was also the deal-breaker. After driving past a pumpkin patch I mentioned wanting to carve one, and he remembered. Days later he was helping me move and asked if he could borrow $20. I handed him cash and he was pumpkin patch bound seeking one, round housewarming gift…that I bought myself?

Pros: Good memory?

Cons: This guy was head over heels, in a matter of weeks. He went above and beyond showing his mother my picture on Facebook. He showed his co-workers, his brother, his brother’s wife, aunts, uncles, cousins, his boss etc. etc. What first seemed harmless, almost endearing-turned full circle. So I ended this budding relationship and went back to living my life sans boyfriend; only “The Clinger,” wasn’t having it. Not only did he post up in the parking lot and refuse to leave until I agreed to a conversation, but he was also a regular commenter on any and all of my Facebook photos. And when my sappy ex’s dedicated attempts came up short, he was quick to inform me that I was cold-hearted and evil…on facebook.

Raw Score: 1/10. “The Old Guy” was actually starting to look pretty good.

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