Friday, May 6, 2011

The Frat Guy

The Meeting: Freshman year. I was young, I was naïve-but lucky for me so was “The Frat Guy.” I met this Mountain Khakis wearing, Wallabee donning, bow-tie loving pledge through mutual friends. He was standing in a group of his collar shirted brothers, but you couldn’t miss this guy if you tried thanks to his absurd height, lanky build, and one big goofy grin--he was too adorable for words.

Memorable Moments: Our first fraternity date function-allow me to paint the picture of boxed wine and solo cups. “The Frat Guy” was still in the infamous pledging period: horror for a pledge, entertainment for the rest of us. The wine was to be served to the guests and who better for the job than the pledges themselves…in their underwear. Wait, it gets better. Not only was my date dressed in only boxers, but the brothers were armed with Sharpies and my cute little date became a cute little canvas. The graffiti process left him bearing the words “tool bag” and “douche,” among others. A lot of Franzia later, I nodded off (passed out) in “The Frat Guy’s” arms. Sweet, right? Wrong. The romance died fast in the morning when I discovered Sharpie does in fact rub off, and I had the remains of a drawn penis on my face to prove it.

Oh, freshman year.

Pros: I was dating the pledge. Therefore this relationship came with my own personal Designated Driver.

Cons: I was dating the pledge. This meant you could throw self-respect and dignity right out the window.

Raw Score: 7.5/10. This guy had two big things going for him. One, the fraternity’s formal meant a rather nice beach vacation; and two, he lived in a house with 15+ guys. What are the odds?

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