My roommate is in love.
And as a result, I come home to a clean apartment every single day. It’s magic, truly; but ever since he met this lucky lady he’s been both exceptionally energized and overly motivated. You see, Roommate and I may keep our stuff in our small two-bedroom apartment- but in reality we live our lives on the road. And the product of these two hectic lifestyles: one apartment bearing a striking resemblance to a dorm room.
I’m relatively used to coming home to take-out boxes strung on the counter, a sink full of dishes, one desk flooded in post-it notes/scraps of paper, and one coffee table drowning in books. But in these beginning stages of budding romance, naturally Roommate doesn’t want his living habits unveiled in this way- at least not right off the bat. So he’s scrubbing, he’s cleaning, he’s picking up everything I’m putting down; and this morning before I left for work he was making his bed?
So this new girl bats her pretty eyes at my love struck Roommate and suddenly, I’m living with Mr. Clean.
I haven’t even met this girl, but already- I like her. The pure exhilaration that radiates off this guy I’ve known for years is unlike anything I’ve ever seen. You should see him, always with this big goofy grin that he just can’t shake and the way his eyes light up when he mentions her; it is spectacular to witness.
There is nothing quite as captivating as those first blissful stages into a budding relationship. The enthralling state of mind you reside in upon the initial dating steps is unexplainable-and yet, most of you know exactly how it feels. And the more I thought about the idea of the start of something new, and the completely riveting feeling it stirs, the more entranced I became.
Everyone loves that initial “can’t get you outta my head” phase, but eventually the hype does always seem to fade. So, why? When does the promising romance transform into agonizing habit?
When I was younger, I was boy crazy. Imagine that. But with every boy who became my boyfriend I was completely, absolutely, and utterly certain that this was “the one.” Now I’m talking this goes back to the days when dating was difficult for a girl to do, you know… because we had cooties. And no matter my age, with each boy I would come home beaming with delight and proclaim to my mother “I’m going to marry this boy someday!”
My mother, who found these episodes amusing, would do what any encouraging mother would do- humor me. She would take out a piece of paper which bore the words:
I, Jordan Chance Bullington, in the name of true love hereby declare that one day I will marry and my official name will from then on be:
…you get the idea.
This piece of paper my mother kept, and still keeps in the bread box on our kitchen counter. From time to time she pulls it out for comic effect. My embarrassing young love affairs are both amusing to my friends and family, as well as evidence to support that I’m not qualified to give any sort of love advice. But I still wanted to know… exactly what is that thing that carries you from the butterflies and the “honeymoon” stage of a new relationship to one which is solid and lasting? So naturally, I went to my friends…
"The way you handle a first fight, like an adult."
"Comfort"
"My situation is a little different, but my boyfriend and I are best friends. Always. It never changed when we started dating."
"A funny smell ;) Oh and you’re first big argument."
"I’ve got nothing"
"When the butterflies leave to tend to another flower, but come back out of nowhere to revisit you when you least expect it. Also, when you can pee in front of each other!"
"Dick"
"Dick"
"Trust! And always having fun!!!"
"Hell if I know"
"Never losing the love struck butterflies. That should always be with you. The nerves go away, but the want and need to be with that one person is what continues the butterflies."
"Him being mean, I love mean guys"
"The “L” bomb (love) -thanks for the clarification- and when you fall into a routine"
"I don’t think there really is an answer for that. Everyone is different. After 12 years I still get excited to see him and spend time with him."
And just for good measure, I went with the three people who’s insight I utilize on a daily basis:
Boyfriend- "Comfort ability and trust"
Roommate- "If I knew that answer, I would have a solid lasting relationship already." Moments later… "Communication! With it, a couple can overcome the hugest of complications. But without it, the smallest troubles can become debilitating."
And my Daddy- "Communication"
So there you have it. In synopsis, the trick to making your relationship last is purely individual. There is no right answer, and apparently there are no wrong answers. The web of a solid relationship is one which you ultimately spin yourself. If all is really fair in love and war, than its time we put aside the tedious rules and regulations to dating and get over the fairy tale movie ending we’re all dreaming of. Life, and love, is what you make it, care to embrace it?
Special thanks to my many friends for their insight. I love you all, my little therapists:)
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