I go to the internet for literally everything.
Web MD has been my go-to physician for the last several years, I buy the majority of my clothing and accessories online, handle all traveling and reservations via the World Wide Web and I check my e-mail so many times a day that my friends and family no longer contact me by phone. Think about it, in an era where you no longer need to pick up the phone to make reservations at a popular restaurant because the website is now the vehicle for such planning and dating websites are connecting people from all over—who needs those bona fide social skills?
The internet is the platform for your networking, your communication; hell, even your education—which brings me to my current status: work. Each day at work, among other things, I venture to the Yahoo! homepage and initiate a quick scan of the many headlines of the day. When one strikes my attention I pull it up and do a little desk job reading. These vary from food and exercise to sports, but as the internet has become my obsession, these Yahoo! articles are my fixation. But today, in the midst of piece reading, Yahoo! scared me a bit.
One of the articles, “How birth order affects your love life,” caught my attention naturally. The write-up elaborated on, and explored the theories of Dr. Kevin Leman’s book The Birth Order Book. After making a note to seek this piece of literature out the next time I’m bumming around Barnes and Noble, I began to examine Dr. Leman’s notions as the writer of this Yahoo! editorial portrayed them. As the oldest of four, and as you would expect, I was interested in learning about what this Ph.D. believed were the true characteristics of my position in birth order. As it happens, as the oldest child in my family typically I am:
“A take-charge person, so not the type to drive friends and romantic partners crazy asking questions like, “I dunno where we should eat; where do you want to go?” Instead, you’ll make sure you have reservations — and land a prime table, too. And anyone lucky enough to pair up with you won’t spend weeknights wondering whether he or she has Saturday night plans, because “oldest kids are planners,” says Dr. Leman. You’re also old-fashioned (in a good way). You always come through on anniversaries and Valentine’s Day.”
So bossy, well-prepared, and conventional—so far Dr. Leman, you’re spot on. In fact I’m a little apprehensive about how well you seem to know me. And my “love challenge?”
“Being more spontaneous. First-borns aren’t the “seize the day” sort (you’re not one to text your sweetie to suggest meeting at this fun café you just walked past). Likewise, “you hate surprises,” Dr. Leman warns. Pity the fool who springs meeting the parents on you or when you thought it was just the two of you going out tonight!”
Go figure. I do HATE surprises, and my idea of spontaneous is adding a shot of vanilla vodka to my Guinness- delicious by the way. Accurate depictions thus far, color me impressed. And finally, meet my best match:
“The youngest child. “It’s a case of opposites attracting,” says Dr. Leman. “You help the last-born be more organized, and the last-born helps you lighten up.”
You had me… until now.
Sure, I believe in the whole opposites attract theory- it seems to be working just fine for me, but why’s it gotta be intertwined with the birth order? Better question- how can you absolutely-positively-be 100% certain that the youngest child in a family will always be spontaneous or “the least financially dependable?” Sure it’s just a theory, or an idea, but for a second there you had me going wait a minute…I did date the youngest child, and it didn’t work out quite as harmonious as you would think. In fact, while sitting here at work I made a list of the boys I’ve been romantically connected with who were the youngest in their families. Two words came to mind, epic failure.
Then I kicked myself for getting so caught up in the idea that a love life could be determined or predicted at all by outside forces. I’m worse than the girls who religiously read their horoscopes and believe in fortune telling. I don’t think I’ve ever started my relationships out with:
Me-“Wait, you’re a Virgo? Yeahhhh this isn’t going to work…”
And yet, I read this whole article from start to finish brainstorming my past relationships and throwing my friends into the mix. No joke, as I sit here my mind is wavering between is the fiancé of Best Friend (oldest) the youngest in his family? Middle Child? And then, my sister and her boyfriend are both middle children… what in the world does that mean? When it hit me…
This is absurd.
Every individual is purely that, individual. There is utterly no way to predict your love life based on astrology, birth order, a magazine quiz, etc. etc. In fact the only actual way to recognize whether your relationship works or it doesn’t is simply: live it. You’ll know fairly quickly whether or not it works for you, and if you don’t hey, there is more than likely a lesson or two.
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